This week for “Below the Fold” I’m putting down the medical sex studies and pulling out my personal book of life. I’m answering an anonymous email from a student about her romantic issues. Here’s her question:
I have been with my boyfriend for about two months now. He’s really great and I think it’s really something special, there’s just one problem. He smokes way too much weed. He’s the kind of guy that will smoke every other day if not every day. I’ve told him I don’t really like it and I never partake or encourage it. What do I do? Am I just being a prude? How do I get my perfect boyfriend without the smoke cloud?
Dazed and Confused
Dear Dazed and Confused,
My short answer is to end it now before things get complicated. My long answer begins with question; what were you thinking? If you knew your boyfriend smoked that often, and you knew you didn’t like the practice, then why would you pursue the situation?
Although it is unclear, DAC, specifically why you are against marijuana use, I sympathize with you. I myself get stressed out about weed, mostly because of the legal ramifications it holds.
Perhaps one day when the drug is legalized, that stigma will go away. If it’s the way your boyfriend acts when he’s high that bothers you, that is understandable.
You are not a “prude” as you put it. If he’s smoking as much as you say he is, it seems like that’s ingrained into his lifestyle and you’re going to be hard pressed to get him to change.
An interesting study was done by New York University’s School of Medicine looking at the effects of marijuana use on romantic relationships. Specifically it looked at subjects who used the drug in their youth and how it may have affected their relationships later in life.
Of the 534 participants in the study who had relationship problems, most of them smoked weed when they were younger. Researchers said they effectively ruled out any other factors that could have contributed to less harmonious relationships.
Relationship with parents, aggressive tendencies, adjustment difficulty, gender and education did not significantly contribute to the findings.
My advice to you, DAC, is break off the relationship; you’re not right for each other simply based on how you both prefer to live your lives.
Your two-month relationship isn’t significant enough to change who he is.
The next time you pursue a relationship, pay close attention to his likes, dislikes and values.
Make sure you actually have things in common and are on the same page. That way you’ll be in a much better situation than “but I ‘love’ him.”